Just journaling, reflecting on the church after 15 years of full commitment.
I break again
Being screwed over once more by my so-called friends
Placing my ear on the doors of the church just to hear
I wonder what they say when I’m far from near
Dissonance slowly kills me from the inside out
I’m like suicide fighting to stay where I’ve been put out
Committed to this thing, this mission, this worldview
Only to realize that I’m too brand new to infuse my brand of hope into this dying revolution
They’re full of oxymorons
And I’m the moron who decided to pursuit em
I’m the idiot who chose to do the testing
I’m the fool who couldn’t fall back and accept it
So, I’m the one who loses the church at its best
Not good enough to step inside of the door
stand in the lobby, watch and adore
But I can’t go in to the inner sanctum
The place where the remnant writes down the anthem
For the others to join in and sing without singing
Love without loving, believe without believing
“You can’t lead people to God in this place you’re in. So, it’s better if you wait in the lobby, my friend”
Waiting for maturity to be my stability,
but it’s clear that my instability is maturity
Or do we not actually believe that our weak is His strong?
Does it only count for those who are quiet and trek along?
All the while, blood spilling out from their soul to the floor
Soul sweeping it under the carpet like a community chore
I’m desperate to know how you really feel
Or do you not feel anymore?
Do you only function as the King’s pawns?
Are we no longer in this together?
Have we become tyrannical investors in a kingdom of zombies where the humanity lessens?
it’s depressing, but I’ve learned my lesson
The lobby is the blessing
The lobby is the place to be
helping other people just like me
if the people can’t go in with you
we’ve got a lobby
where real dreams do come true
standing up for one another
where we don’t give up on each other
not left out to dry
where we fight and we try
and laugh and we cry
to heal through the pain
and where we find sane
where we don’t wear masks or do rituals
we don’t dress up, we’re individuals
working together towards building
that lives up to the name and its meaning
It’s the lobby
*I own no rights to the production.